My sister and I were living in a dream-like state. Days will go by, and we would not know if it was day or night, what day of the week it was, no sense of time. I began to learn every little noise in every machine that was helping him stay alive. So when there was an unusual sound, my mind went to the worst thought possible. The nurse would come in and assure me that he was stable. We just needed time!
Since we had tested positive for Covid-19, we were isolated. When we used the restroom, we had to walk to the other side of the ICU to use the bathroom for exposed families. Every time I had to go, I would see all the families in the same place I was. I remember walking by one room. It had been decorated with balloons, flowers, pictures, and posters. It was their Birthday. I remember making a mental note that if we had to celebrate his birthday in the ICU, I would try my best to make his room a celebration place. I realized that for those parents, the fact that their kid was still with them, fighting for their lives, was a reason to celebrate. The hope was still there. That is something I saw in all of the parent's eyes. Hope! Yes, a lot of sadness and worry, but in their eyes, there was a glimpse of hope. The hope all parents have for their children as soon as they are born. The first time we hold them in our arms. We hope for a long, happy, and healthy life. We never lose that!
As days went by, the fluid that had to be drained became less. Which indicated the swelling in the brain was also decreasing. I remember when I started to get very happy at this news. A nurse told me. "Please stay optimist cautiously, these are all good signs, but we have a long way to go."
On day 8th, I believe the Neurology team came to talk to me. They told me he had what is called a diffuse Axonal Injury. Which means there are various tears all over his brain. Some could be permanent; some won't. However, he had permanent damage to the left side of his brain. I did not know what to say or what to ask. She comforted me and said, " I can't give you a prognosis. However, I can tell you I have seen children have amazing recoveries, but..." she paused and took a deep breath. I looked at her, and I saw so much kindness in her eyes and hope. That same home I saw in all the other parents. she continued, " I have also seen kids that are not able to wake up; it is up to him!"
I decided I was going to stay cautiously optimistic!
Comments