The main focus of my blog is so I can share the remarkable recovery my son is making. He works so hard every day, and how our family tries to regain normalcy.
However, to move forward, you have to go back. I have to process everything that happened and how it happened. Many of you already know how my son was injured. If you haven't, you can google it.
For an apparent reason, I will not share what happened that day. Maybe I will share later, but now it is not the time. I will share, though, how I felt the day news made it out into the world.
I received a call from the detective. She informed me that sometimes things like this catch media attention. She wanted me to know that there were a few media outlets asking questions. So, do not be surprised if it makes it to the local news. A few hours after that call, she called back and said it would air that night and to tell my family Not to watch tv.
I can't begin to explain The feeling in my body when the news aired. Then to find out, it was not just locally but nationally. All I wanted was to grab my children and hold them together. I wanted to be their shield, and I felt like I failed them. I was not able to shield them from this! I was not able to protect them from this tragedy or the aftermath.
I felt immense impotence. Everything was out of my control. What happened, my kid's recovery, my life!
Fear consumed my body; I lost control. I could not hold tears back any longer. All the tears I had swallowed back into my body came out with a vengeance. I felt heaviness in my chest. I could not breathe.
I couldn't feel my legs; I could not feel the ground underneath me.
I finally said, " I can't breathe!" My sister called the nurse, and the nurse, rushed in and helped me. Once I was breathing and a bit calmer. She called my social worker and the Chaplin.
Once I could come back into my body, the Chaplin arrived. I spoke to her and told her everything I had not told anyone. She looked at me and said, " Your situation is unique. Many people have gone through hardship. But your hardship is different. I Can tell you what I would tell others. But that doesn't fit your needs. But I can be here to listen and support!"
At that moment, I felt alone. As if I were the only person in the universe. No one in sight. I had to learn to navigate the unknown on my own.
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